Measuring Up

I wrote this about a year ago, but for some reason, I feel like sharing today.  So, to be completely transparent, I am now 36, but I feel the same way about these girls now and forever.  See you tonight ladies.

"Measuring Up"

I have finally come to a place in my life where I’m not worried about “measuring up.”  My girlfriends have led me to this place of solace, and the funny thing about this is, until I met them, I never needed a big group of girlfriends.

All of my life, I have had close friendships with several individual girls.  The problem for me always came when I was subjected to the group.  Groups of girls can be very exclusionary and competitive, but I am a natural mediator, the seer of both sides.  Unfortunately, wanting both sides often left me alone.  So, I stuck to my one-on-one friendships, and when I got older, I stuck with the guys.  It was just easier.

And then I got married and moved to a new city.  I had friends at work, but I was 24 and my youngest co-worker was 40.  My husband may regret this, but he told me I needed to find some friends.  He was more right than I would ever know as he showed me an ad in the paper for a Girl’s Night Out event at a church near our home. 

I went. Alone. I stepped into a gigantic group of women that I had never met and instantly thought that I could never measure up.  It was terrifying, but I stayed, and I actually had fun.  Among the stations set up for us to do all manner of girly things were sign up sheets for groups we might be interested in joining. I was thrilled to put my name down on the Book Club list. I had no idea in that moment I was changing my life and my vision of myself in unimaginable ways.

I didn’t know it, but I was entering a stage in my life that needed other women.  I was blessed to find the women who would become my solid ground and my sanity, my support and my sounding board.  Over the last 11 years they have allowed me to throw out the measuring tape.

Because of these women, I know that my husband isn’t the only husband in the world who can be infuriating.  My kids aren’t the only kids who won’t eat vegetables.  I’m not the only mom who won’t fight that battle every day.  In any given moment, I am doing my very best, and that is enough.

The Book Club has changed and grown over the years just as each one of us has changed. We are all amazingly different, talented in a myriad of ways, with our own faults and beliefs. We make each other laugh with abandon and the occasional snort. We give advice without judgment. We offer shoulders or high fives. And in times of great need, a glass of wine or three are never far away.  I need these women in my life like I need air.  They make my life full and vibrant.

Now, at the age of 35, in the same moment that I am realizing that I don’t have to “measure up,” I am also realizing that I probably always have. 

Why I Re-read the Outlander Series by Diana Gabaldon

My latest posts have been long. Sorry.  I have so much to say about the books I love, which makes it so hard to stop myself.  Today I am going to stop myself.  My hope is that my reasons for re-reading this series will get you to try them out for the first time.

Reasons 1-10 THE WRITING IS AMAZING.

11. The characters became real people in my mind the moment they appeared on the page.  I want to be with them constantly.

12. This story is not a romance.  It is the story of a marriage that survives across time.  It survives no matter how many wrenches, or in this case dirks and broad swords, are thrown at it.  Claire and Jamie are no doubt hot for each other from day one, but that isn't why their relationship is appealing (though it doesn't hurt).  They truly love and respect each other in the face of so much adversity and they make it work.  This is why they last even when, at one point, they are separated by a 200 year time zone difference.

13. I love history, but learning about history in story form makes it so much more accessible.  There are periods and people and places that I would never have learned about or cared about if not for these books.  The range is wide...1743-1965ish, and filled with intriguing events that your US and World History classes never had time for.

14. Because the books are so character and detail filled, I catch something or someone new on each read.  The first read gets you the barebones story, which is more than enough, but each re-read will get you the nuances and the little tidbits you missed before.

15. Last, but not least...I haven't been able to find anything else that compares to level of story telling that Diana Gabaldon has reached.  I have found good stuff to read, even great stuff, but this series is off the charts.  If I ever find anything that comes close to it, I will let you know. But until then...I'm back to book two.

Happy Reading!

The Clan of the Cave Bear Series by Jean M. Auel

I am extremely late to the show on the "awesomeness" of this series.  Most likely the reason is that the first book came out the year I turned 2.  This got me to thinking about all the great series of our current day.  Are they going to be lost in the stacks and deemed too old to be any good in 20 years?  I certainly hope not.

Anyway, I came across this series in a few different Facebook posts on a page for Kansas City Outlander fans.  If you aren't aware of the Outlander Series by Diana Gabaldon (one of my major obsessions) you should check that out too.  I will be talking about my umpteenth re-read of that in my next post.  Anyway, the Outlander fandom was talking about other books we might like based on our love of that series. The Clan of the Cave Bear Series kept coming up. And just like you are thinking now, I thought How can a book about cave people be cool? and then I went on with my life.

Then a couple of months ago I was in my favorite thrift store and spotted the first three books in the series on the bottom shelf in hardcover.  Three bucks wasn't going to kill me, and I figured if they were good, I would have 1300+ pages of reading set up to occupy my time.  (WooHoo! I love knowing that I have a stack of books waiting for me.)  I will say that it was probably good that this particular set of books did not have covers.  I have since seen the covers, and I have judged them.  I would not have picked up these books and taken them home if I had seen the cover before I started reading.  I know we aren't supposed to do that as readers, but reality... okay you get what I'm saying.

So, why should you read this series that came out in the 80s?

1. The author has masterfully created an entirely believable world from information based on artifacts dating back more than 25,000 years.  This world revolves around the possibilities of the interactions between the Neanderthal and Cro-Magnon races.  This seems like strange material to create a book world from, but it works, and it is so intriguing.

2. Though one person could never be credited with all of the great discoveries of the first humans, the author creates very probable situations to show how these discoveries might have been made.  It is fun to think about these "firsts" that had to happen to someone in that time.

3. The presentation of the roles of men and women in the different societies resonates even now.  Auel also creates a religious life and code of culture for each society based on artifacts that make complete sense. The reality she has imagined is so plausible that I forget she had to make up a written history where there is none.

4. The main character, Ayla, is a strong, intelligent, and beautiful girl who doesn't know, and isn't allowed to believe, that she anything at all.  She is an "Other" living in the world of the "Clan." You will be rooting for her from the moment you meet her on page one.

5. Ayla comes of age in a myriad of ways through the first three books, and the challenges she faces with each relationship in her life add to her appeal. The people who mean the most to her will become your friends and those she despises will become your enemies too.

Bonus reason to read the books now:

If you are like me, you hate seeing a movie or TV show that is based on a book before you read the book.  In my research to figure out what order the books go in, I discovered that Lifetime TV is making a series based on the books. Ron Howard is part of the project, so we can be sure of some level of greatness.  Go check out the Clan of Cave Bear and maybe someday we can watch the TV series together.   

Happy Reading!  

Come back in a few for a post about my Outlander re-reads.

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What Adults Can Learn From "this star won't go out"

1. This is the 2nd post in a series about the books I am loving right now.

   
   

   this star won't go out: The Life and Words of Esther Grace Earl
   by Esther Earl, Wayne Earl, Lori Earl, and John Green

Adults forget...not because we are old, but because we want to believe that we weren't something that we surely were.

this star won't go out was my wakeup call to this fact, and it was a call that hit me over the course of the 2 or 3 days it took me to cry my way through its pages.

What do we forget?  We forget what being a teenager was like.  We forget the emotion, the closeness and importance of friends, the real worries and concerns about the future.  We forget that many of us were worthy, deep thinking, caring, fragile people.  As adults, we discount the intelligence of teen's thoughts and the truth of their reality.  I think we do this because we know our adult lives are harder than our teenage lives were.  We see them and think just you wait.  Lately, I have had a hard time seeing them as anything other than horrible little creatures who only want to live in fake, on-line worlds.  I have been wrong. I am wrong.  Ester Earl and her family and friends have taught me that, and I'm glad they did!


So the book...
To talk about  this book, first I have to talk about another book that most of the young adult world (and some of the adult world) has heard of.  It is called The Fault in Our Stars.  It was written by John Green, a very popular YA author and on-line personality.  Google "John Green" and you will be immersed in hours of reading and videos that educate you, make you laugh, make you want to be awesome, feed your obsessions with all things nerdy and Harry Potter, and well you get the idea.  He is pretty fantastic.

Anyway, John Green was writing a book about teens with cancer.  While he was writing it, he met a girl named Ester Earl at a Harry Potter convention called LeakyCon. (Um yeah, how cool is that?)  He happened to be her favorite author, and before she left this world, she became one of his favorite people. No joke, he created "Ester Day" and celebrates it every year on her birthday in the way that she asked it to be celebrated.  Anyway, though The Fault in Our Stars is not based on Ester Earl's life, other than the fact that she had cancer and had to be hooked up to oxygen 24 hours a day, she influenced the way he told the story.  It is a book I would recommend, but you don't need to read it to be impacted by Ester's story.

this star won't go out is a compilation of Ester's diaries, drawings, letters to her family, and on-line chat transcripts, her parent's entries on the CaringBridge website, and essays about her from her friends, family, and doctors.  Each piece of this book is a testament to the world that we- adults- need to give credit and validity to the teens in our lives.  To truly understand any of the lessons I learned, you need to read the book yourself.  I promise you that you will cry your way through it (if you have an ounce of humanity in you).  You will cry a lot, and I think you will be glad for it.

The overarching reminders in this book are obvious and magnificently important.  Our time on this earth is fragile and fleeting.  Love is what matters. Thank God for every moment you have with the people you care about. Cancer sucks! That right there is enough of a lesson for everyone, but I want to take the time to share what I learned about the generation of teens from this book that the world as a whole needs to see and needs to search out.

1. On-line friends are real friends. Don't discount their importance.
2. Teens worries and emotions are valid. We can help them through, but not if we tell them to just get over themselves.
3. Not every teenager is a self-centered brat. They just aren't.
4. Teens love ferociously.  They love their families. They love their friends.  They aren't just concerned with romantic love.
5. They can change the world.  Give them the chance!

And just because I always feel the need to end on a more up beat note...These are the top 5 things I feel the need to know or do now because I read this book.

1. Am I too old to be a "nerdfighter" or go to Leaky Con or like Harry Potter Wizard Rock (Wrock) music?  (please say no)
2. I need to find out more about and catch up on the "wrock" music world.
3. I must carve out hours to watch Ester Earl's and John Green's vlogs. He has a gazillion YouTube channels. Just google him.
4. I want to join the Harry Potter Alliance.  It is not just a crazy fan group.  They are changing the world.
5. What am I doing to help decrease "worldsuck"?  How can I help teenagers become part of answer to decreasing "worldsuck"?

Yeah, so I'm gonna go teach some cool kids some cool stuff now.  Go get this book. The tears will be more than worth it!

Murdering My Youth by Cady McClain

I met Cady McClain at Write the Dream last March.  I knew who she was from her days on the soap opera All My Children.  I had a babysitter named Alice who loved daytime TV.  All My Children was one of my favorites. Yes, I loved soap operas long before I should have been watching them, but that is an entirely different story...

Anyway, Cady led a workshop that was amazing and helped me to create some really good pieces of writing.  Some I have shared, some I haven't. She is one of three or four real celebrities that I have ever met, but more, she is one of the most genuine and real human beings I have ever talked to.  She made me, and I think, the rest of the attendees of the writing conference feel like we really mattered and that our work really mattered.

At the conference she talked about her book and about the process and pain she went through to write and publish it.  Now that I have read her story I know why it was so hard.  I also have even more respect for her as a person.  She did not have an upbringing that would typically turn out such a genuinely kind person.  To say that Cady was taken advantage of as a child by her parents and others close to her would be an understatement of epic proportions.  Her experiences are nearly unbelievable, so heart wrenching, so raw, and yet she tells it like it is.  Her ability to put her life on the page with no holds barred is what kept me reading.  I finished this book in about 2 sittings.  I just could not stop.  She is proof that a person can come through devastation, can learn from mistakes of others and herself, and in the end can learn to trust in humanity again.

When our workshop was over and I was saying goodbye to Cady, she gave me a hug (or let me give her one).  I didn't think anything of it.  She was just that sort of warm, sweet person.  The kind of person who you want to hug.  After reading her book, I look back at that moment now and see something a little more special.  Trusting someone to be in her personal space like that is a big deal, and she trusted me.  Thanks, Cady! Thanks for sharing yourself with me, with other aspiring writers, and with the world.

Check out Cady's website here to find out more about her and to get your own copy of this amazing read.

I Love Books

There are very few things that I would rather do than read a book.  In fact, if I am not currently living in the world of a good book, I get very irritable and tend towards a mini-depressive state.  Because I know that about myself, I often have 2 or 3 books going and about 20 on reserve at my bedside or on my Kindle.  I always ask for books for gifts and they are usually my favorite presents.  I check out tons of things from the library even though I know I won't get to them before they are due.  I have no idea if I am like other readers in the obsessions that I have with particular books.  I go back to certain ones and read them again and again.  Others, I don't read more than once, but they just become a part of me.

Though my life is nothing that I need to escape from, I revel in the escape of words and worlds and wonders that are created inside my mind.  I love learning and delving into the topics and people that are coming alive on the pages for me.  My favorite real life people (besides my dear husband and children, of course) are the people who will talk "books" with me.  My mom, my book club girls, the librarian at my school, the substitute teachers who bring me books they've finished and loved.  And so before I get sappy and philosophical on you about why books are life... on to the real point.

Recently, I've been reading a lot more than usual. This means I am reading a lot, a lot instead of just a lot.  This is partly do to the fact I had 2 weeks off from work for Christmas Break and partly due to the fact that it has been so cold.  I don't want to do anything but cozy up in bed with a book and a hot cup of tea.

I've read some great ones in these last few weeks and I would like to share what I think about them here in the next few posts.  Come back soon for my thoughts on Murdering My Youth by Cady McClain, this star won't go out by Ester Earl with Lori and Wayne Earl, The Clan of the Cave Bear Series by Jean M. Auel, and a re-read of Dragonfly in Amber by Diana Gabaldon.

I have been touched personally in some way by each of these titles and I believe that is what makes a "good read."  So, I won't be evaluating them for their literary value (though they definitely have it), I will be telling you why they work for me and how they have changed my thinking or encouraged me to do better or be better.  I will let you know why they stuck because lots of books don't.  The books that stick are the books worth reading.  And if in the next few weeks you happen to pick up one of these titles, come back and let me know what you thought.

My Murdering My Youth post will be up sometime in the next couple of days.

Hay Creek Finery

Last night I started a poem in my head when I was trying to go to sleep...what to do?  

1) Go to sleep and hope to remember all my brilliance in the morning...or 

2) Get out of bed as quietly as possible, grab pen and notepad that just happen to be on the night stand without knocking all the other crap off, sneak into the bathroom, close the door in epic, silent slow motion, turn on the light, be blinded just a little, and then sit down on the closed toilet seat and scribble the poem down as quickly as is humanly possible...all while hoping my husband doesn't think I'm in there texting my boyfriend. (He would never think that. We're both way too lazy to keep up that kind of scheme!)

Well obviously I chose #2.  #1 would have been way too hard!
Here is the poem about one of my favorite places on earth...


Hay Creek Finery

Hay Creek Ranch is a place like no other
In fact, you'll want to write home to your mother
You'll ask to stay, to never leave
The fun and the beauty are too much to believe
There are horses and dogs
Kittens and frogs
Good coffee and smiles that never end
Campfires and s'mores and new lifelong friends
Out on the trails you can ride and ride
Your horse'll go through the water, no matter how wide
You can saddle up, sit back, see what God's given you 
When you come to Hay Creek, that's all you can do
You'll come in with your horse, and a bit of free time
And you'll always leave knowing that, "It'll be fine!"


Hay Creek Ranch is my parents' place where people can go to ride their horses in the Black Hills.  Part of my reason for loving it so much is my love for my parents.  But honestly, I'd be hard pressed to find anyone who doesn't think they're awesome.  If you have horses (or if you don't) and you would like to see the Black Hills, check out their website at http://www.haycreekranch.net.  They also have a winter camp in Arizona.  You can link to that on their main page.  Or you can check them out on Facebook at Hay Creek Ranch Horse Camp.