Measuring Up

I wrote this about a year ago, but for some reason, I feel like sharing today.  So, to be completely transparent, I am now 36, but I feel the same way about these girls now and forever.  See you tonight ladies.

"Measuring Up"

I have finally come to a place in my life where I’m not worried about “measuring up.”  My girlfriends have led me to this place of solace, and the funny thing about this is, until I met them, I never needed a big group of girlfriends.

All of my life, I have had close friendships with several individual girls.  The problem for me always came when I was subjected to the group.  Groups of girls can be very exclusionary and competitive, but I am a natural mediator, the seer of both sides.  Unfortunately, wanting both sides often left me alone.  So, I stuck to my one-on-one friendships, and when I got older, I stuck with the guys.  It was just easier.

And then I got married and moved to a new city.  I had friends at work, but I was 24 and my youngest co-worker was 40.  My husband may regret this, but he told me I needed to find some friends.  He was more right than I would ever know as he showed me an ad in the paper for a Girl’s Night Out event at a church near our home. 

I went. Alone. I stepped into a gigantic group of women that I had never met and instantly thought that I could never measure up.  It was terrifying, but I stayed, and I actually had fun.  Among the stations set up for us to do all manner of girly things were sign up sheets for groups we might be interested in joining. I was thrilled to put my name down on the Book Club list. I had no idea in that moment I was changing my life and my vision of myself in unimaginable ways.

I didn’t know it, but I was entering a stage in my life that needed other women.  I was blessed to find the women who would become my solid ground and my sanity, my support and my sounding board.  Over the last 11 years they have allowed me to throw out the measuring tape.

Because of these women, I know that my husband isn’t the only husband in the world who can be infuriating.  My kids aren’t the only kids who won’t eat vegetables.  I’m not the only mom who won’t fight that battle every day.  In any given moment, I am doing my very best, and that is enough.

The Book Club has changed and grown over the years just as each one of us has changed. We are all amazingly different, talented in a myriad of ways, with our own faults and beliefs. We make each other laugh with abandon and the occasional snort. We give advice without judgment. We offer shoulders or high fives. And in times of great need, a glass of wine or three are never far away.  I need these women in my life like I need air.  They make my life full and vibrant.

Now, at the age of 35, in the same moment that I am realizing that I don’t have to “measure up,” I am also realizing that I probably always have.