Measuring Up

I wrote this about a year ago, but for some reason, I feel like sharing today.  So, to be completely transparent, I am now 36, but I feel the same way about these girls now and forever.  See you tonight ladies.

"Measuring Up"

I have finally come to a place in my life where I’m not worried about “measuring up.”  My girlfriends have led me to this place of solace, and the funny thing about this is, until I met them, I never needed a big group of girlfriends.

All of my life, I have had close friendships with several individual girls.  The problem for me always came when I was subjected to the group.  Groups of girls can be very exclusionary and competitive, but I am a natural mediator, the seer of both sides.  Unfortunately, wanting both sides often left me alone.  So, I stuck to my one-on-one friendships, and when I got older, I stuck with the guys.  It was just easier.

And then I got married and moved to a new city.  I had friends at work, but I was 24 and my youngest co-worker was 40.  My husband may regret this, but he told me I needed to find some friends.  He was more right than I would ever know as he showed me an ad in the paper for a Girl’s Night Out event at a church near our home. 

I went. Alone. I stepped into a gigantic group of women that I had never met and instantly thought that I could never measure up.  It was terrifying, but I stayed, and I actually had fun.  Among the stations set up for us to do all manner of girly things were sign up sheets for groups we might be interested in joining. I was thrilled to put my name down on the Book Club list. I had no idea in that moment I was changing my life and my vision of myself in unimaginable ways.

I didn’t know it, but I was entering a stage in my life that needed other women.  I was blessed to find the women who would become my solid ground and my sanity, my support and my sounding board.  Over the last 11 years they have allowed me to throw out the measuring tape.

Because of these women, I know that my husband isn’t the only husband in the world who can be infuriating.  My kids aren’t the only kids who won’t eat vegetables.  I’m not the only mom who won’t fight that battle every day.  In any given moment, I am doing my very best, and that is enough.

The Book Club has changed and grown over the years just as each one of us has changed. We are all amazingly different, talented in a myriad of ways, with our own faults and beliefs. We make each other laugh with abandon and the occasional snort. We give advice without judgment. We offer shoulders or high fives. And in times of great need, a glass of wine or three are never far away.  I need these women in my life like I need air.  They make my life full and vibrant.

Now, at the age of 35, in the same moment that I am realizing that I don’t have to “measure up,” I am also realizing that I probably always have. 

Why I Re-read the Outlander Series by Diana Gabaldon

My latest posts have been long. Sorry.  I have so much to say about the books I love, which makes it so hard to stop myself.  Today I am going to stop myself.  My hope is that my reasons for re-reading this series will get you to try them out for the first time.

Reasons 1-10 THE WRITING IS AMAZING.

11. The characters became real people in my mind the moment they appeared on the page.  I want to be with them constantly.

12. This story is not a romance.  It is the story of a marriage that survives across time.  It survives no matter how many wrenches, or in this case dirks and broad swords, are thrown at it.  Claire and Jamie are no doubt hot for each other from day one, but that isn't why their relationship is appealing (though it doesn't hurt).  They truly love and respect each other in the face of so much adversity and they make it work.  This is why they last even when, at one point, they are separated by a 200 year time zone difference.

13. I love history, but learning about history in story form makes it so much more accessible.  There are periods and people and places that I would never have learned about or cared about if not for these books.  The range is wide...1743-1965ish, and filled with intriguing events that your US and World History classes never had time for.

14. Because the books are so character and detail filled, I catch something or someone new on each read.  The first read gets you the barebones story, which is more than enough, but each re-read will get you the nuances and the little tidbits you missed before.

15. Last, but not least...I haven't been able to find anything else that compares to level of story telling that Diana Gabaldon has reached.  I have found good stuff to read, even great stuff, but this series is off the charts.  If I ever find anything that comes close to it, I will let you know. But until then...I'm back to book two.

Happy Reading!

The Clan of the Cave Bear Series by Jean M. Auel

I am extremely late to the show on the "awesomeness" of this series.  Most likely the reason is that the first book came out the year I turned 2.  This got me to thinking about all the great series of our current day.  Are they going to be lost in the stacks and deemed too old to be any good in 20 years?  I certainly hope not.

Anyway, I came across this series in a few different Facebook posts on a page for Kansas City Outlander fans.  If you aren't aware of the Outlander Series by Diana Gabaldon (one of my major obsessions) you should check that out too.  I will be talking about my umpteenth re-read of that in my next post.  Anyway, the Outlander fandom was talking about other books we might like based on our love of that series. The Clan of the Cave Bear Series kept coming up. And just like you are thinking now, I thought How can a book about cave people be cool? and then I went on with my life.

Then a couple of months ago I was in my favorite thrift store and spotted the first three books in the series on the bottom shelf in hardcover.  Three bucks wasn't going to kill me, and I figured if they were good, I would have 1300+ pages of reading set up to occupy my time.  (WooHoo! I love knowing that I have a stack of books waiting for me.)  I will say that it was probably good that this particular set of books did not have covers.  I have since seen the covers, and I have judged them.  I would not have picked up these books and taken them home if I had seen the cover before I started reading.  I know we aren't supposed to do that as readers, but reality... okay you get what I'm saying.

So, why should you read this series that came out in the 80s?

1. The author has masterfully created an entirely believable world from information based on artifacts dating back more than 25,000 years.  This world revolves around the possibilities of the interactions between the Neanderthal and Cro-Magnon races.  This seems like strange material to create a book world from, but it works, and it is so intriguing.

2. Though one person could never be credited with all of the great discoveries of the first humans, the author creates very probable situations to show how these discoveries might have been made.  It is fun to think about these "firsts" that had to happen to someone in that time.

3. The presentation of the roles of men and women in the different societies resonates even now.  Auel also creates a religious life and code of culture for each society based on artifacts that make complete sense. The reality she has imagined is so plausible that I forget she had to make up a written history where there is none.

4. The main character, Ayla, is a strong, intelligent, and beautiful girl who doesn't know, and isn't allowed to believe, that she anything at all.  She is an "Other" living in the world of the "Clan." You will be rooting for her from the moment you meet her on page one.

5. Ayla comes of age in a myriad of ways through the first three books, and the challenges she faces with each relationship in her life add to her appeal. The people who mean the most to her will become your friends and those she despises will become your enemies too.

Bonus reason to read the books now:

If you are like me, you hate seeing a movie or TV show that is based on a book before you read the book.  In my research to figure out what order the books go in, I discovered that Lifetime TV is making a series based on the books. Ron Howard is part of the project, so we can be sure of some level of greatness.  Go check out the Clan of Cave Bear and maybe someday we can watch the TV series together.   

Happy Reading!  

Come back in a few for a post about my Outlander re-reads.

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